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[24 Aug 2007|05:25pm] |
omg i just saw one of the sexiest things ever.
saw a cute girl driving through fairfield.
the stickers on her back window said
chico state
and
talk nerdy to me
if thats not hott enough when i pulled up next to her she was listening to...
jets to brazil.
omg teh secsy!
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| again last night |
[21 Aug 2007|12:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Golden - Fall Out Boy |
] |
had a dream about her last night. maybe not so much a dream as a recollection of memories strategically compiled together by my brain to tell me a story of sorts. im not going into details mainly because i dont want to, but I wish I never had to wake up. its saddening to know that she doesnt/wont ever feel the same way about me as I do about her. Likewise I guess its also sad that it has been years and I cant get over it. over her. but how do you get over the best you've ever known? If there was anyone else out there that was even half as awesome as she is it wouldnt be so bad. but none of these other girls can even hold a candle to all that she is. so I guess I will just slowly shuffle on in life. vaguely aware of the world around me, knowing that my place in it has been susidized to a size and shape i dont fit in. So i will continue to live outside the box that is.... here. wherever here is, or more like wherever I am.
music is my savior
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| i dont practice santeria, i aint got no crystal ball... |
[08 May 2007|10:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lost |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dude (I Totally Miss You) - Tenacious D |
] |
i dont know what to do. do i tell her how i feel even though im sure she must already know, or do i do what i always do and let her get away
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[13 Nov 2006|03:05pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
morrissey - driving your girlfriend home |
] |
im still alive.
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[12 Nov 2006|05:32pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
scarlet begonias - grateful dead |
] |
dont take too many mushrooms. they make your heart feel like its trying to explode.... or implode or something, but its not good when your body cant keep up with your brain and your heart doesnt wanna play along at all. well if i have a heartattack its all good. ill be happier so no one worry or cry. but ill post tomorrow just so u know if i survived. do drugs!
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[12 Nov 2006|05:28pm] |
this is for you, but i dont have a cd burner anymore :(
(hurricane) The Formal Weather Pattern - Something Corporate
"Pull me under your weather patterns, your cold fronts and the rain dont matter, because a sunburn's what I needed"
Am I the Only One? - Barenaked Ladies
"Who do you think I am? And who, who do you think I'll be... without you?"
Slow Dancing In a Burning Room - John Mayer
"Baby you're the only light I ever saw"
Nightingale - Saves the Day
"If I were king of this night, would you become my queen?"
A Plain Morning - Dashboard Confessional
"It's Warmer where you're waiting, it feels more like july"
Ill Be (acoustic) - Edwin McCain
"I'll be your crying shoulder, ill be love suicide"
Starry Configurations - Jets to Brazil
"die here beside you, in see-thru obscurity"
Colorblind - Counting Crows
"i am covered in skin, no one gets to come in, pull me out from inside"
Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Dont - Brand New
"I am all you've ever wanted, what all the other boys all promised, sorry i told, i just needed you to know"
Glycerine - Bush
"it must be your skin that im sinking in"
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"they dont love you like i love you"
Moondance - Michael Buble
"im trying to please to the calling of your heart strings that play soft and low"
Giving it Away (acoustic) - Mae
"you know i would promise, i'd do anything"
No One Said Goodbye - Eric Martin
"i know its over and done with, but it aint over in my mind"
The Days I Recall Being Wonderful - Last Days of April
"please tell me that everything will work out fine"
Inside of Love - Nada Surf
"i know the last page so well that i cant read the first"
All I Can Do Is Write About It (acoustic) - Lynyrd Skynyrd
"i cant make any changes, all i can do is write em in a song"
Closing Time - Hootie and the Blowfish
"search the place for your lost face, think i'll have another round, and i think that i just fell in love with you"
Brown Eyed Girl - NoFx
"you're my brown eyed girl"
The Night Will Go As Follows - The Spill Canvas
"as i proceed to run my fingers through her hair, and forget everyone whos jaded, cause they dont matter and i dont care"
I Miss You (acoustic) - Incubus
"would i be out of line if i said i miss you?"
You - Switchfoot
"I find hope when im let down, not in me, in you"
California - Unified Theory
"a cigarette and tea was all i had to eat, a metal band scream was all i heard for weeks"
Flake - Jack Johnson
"it seems to me that maybe pretty much always means no, so dont tell me you might just let it go"
Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
"i need you so much closer"
Beautiful - Flickerstick
"you're so beautiful, you're beautfiul in every little way"
Do You Realize? (postal service rmx) - The Flaming Lips
"do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?"
Play Crack the Sky - Brand New
"you know that you are not alone, need you like water in my lungs"
I will Follow you into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie
"if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i'll follow you into the dark"
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
"i dont think that ill see her again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end"
Relate to Me - Voyces
"can you feel your heartache? do you relate to me?"
Hold - Saves the Day
"remember, the only thing we need sometimes, are chilly nights and warmer thighs"
Letters to Noelle - Something Corporate
"years of waiting, nothing fading, emptied out my pen, carved the rest into my hand"
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|
[06 Nov 2006|10:07pm] |
|
You don't know what your power has done to me
I want to know if I'll heal inside
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen
Seeing you laughing another time
You'll never know how your face has haunted me
My very soul has to bleed this time
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run
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| 2 updates - both lyrics - different bands |
[06 Nov 2006|10:05pm] |
|
im cold
im ugly
im always confused by everything
i can stare into a thousand eyes
but every smile hides a BOLD FACED LIE
It itches, it seethes, it festers and breathes
My heros are dead, they died in my head
Thin out the herd, squeeze out the pain
Something inside me has opened up again
Thoughts of me exemplified
All the little flaws I have denied
Forget today, forget whatever happened
Everyday I see a little more of overall deficiencies
Im nothing short of being one complete catastrophe
What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?
I save all the bullets from ignorant minds
Your insults get stuck in my teeth as they grind
Way past good taste
on our way to bad omens
I decrease
while my symptoms increase
God what the fuck is wrong
You act like you knew it all along
Your timing sucks, your silence is a blessing
All I ever wanted out of you was
Something you could never be
Now take a real good look at
What youve fucking done to me
What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?
Gimme any reason why Id need you, boy
Gimme any reason why Id need you
Gimme any reason why Id need you
Gimme any reason not to fuck you up
Gimme any reason why Id need you
Gimme any reason why Id need you
Gimme any reason why Id need you, bitch
Gimme any reason why Id need you
Gimme any reason why Id need you
Gimme any reason not to fuck you up
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I see you in me
I keep my scars from prying eyes
Incapable of ever knowing why
Somebody breathe, Ive got to have an answer
Why am I so fascinated by
Bigger pictures, better things
But I dont care what you think
Youll never understand me
What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?
Fuck!!!
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| everything is light and sound |
[13 Oct 2006|03:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
holes to heaven - jack johnson |
] |
i love you
i have no guide to help me
nothing to protect me from your storm
i felt like an idiot sitting in your car
your face was so beautiful
i didnt think i could love anyone
i love you
wouldnt it be great if you would love me
maybe you would even trust me
i need you
because life is not enough
i havent seen you in over a year
it all came back
with the force of depression
i still felt the same
i have been thinking of you all day
i feel as though i have nothing
i am alone on the planet
i know this and it hurts too much
maybe with you it could be different
i cant ask you to want me
ill just have to see
i dont like rolling the dice again
its hard to load the gun with a picture of your face
spin the cylinder and pull
all my life its been the lonely click
-henry rollins
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| Through Glass |
[21 Aug 2006|09:21pm] |
|
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel, that is the question
But I forget, you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect to better folks
And while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
How much is real, so much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember its just different from what you've seen
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like cold
Sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like cold
Sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you
And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you
Oh when the stars
Oh when the stars
They Lie
-Stone Sour
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|
[14 Aug 2006|10:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bend to squares - death cab for cutie |
] |
if it wasnt for death cab and jets to brazil i wouldnt be alive right now
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| you look like a cool drink... slightly out of reach |
[08 Aug 2006|10:35pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sea anenome - jets to brazil |
] |
i work with idiots.
today not only did i have to run my mushroom strudel with the goat cheese souffle, but i also had to make all the side salads, AND i had to do half of someone else's crab timbale, which is hella easy, so i have no clue why he couldnt do it.
maybe i should explain that the timbale is a rectangular mold layered like this
grapefruit
avocado
crab
avocado
crab
avocado
crab
is that hard? eh...... whatever. just needed to vent...
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|
| just shoot me |
[08 Aug 2006|12:41pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
orange rhyming dictionary - jets to brazil |
] |
my dish in the carame room this week is a mushroom strudel with a goat cheese souffle, and this is the last week of garde manger so i have to try to study. maybe this weekend if i get a chance i will put up some pics of my dishes and fruit trays and stuff i have been making.
i need to get laid.
"do the stars conspire to kill us off with loneliness"
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| im going to attempt to drown myself, you can try this at home, you can be just like me |
[26 Jul 2006|01:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 productive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the sound of the library fan |
] |
so, its been a while, i feel i should explain why...
first of all, ive moved out of the shitty ass dorms, thank god for that. for the last 2 weeks i was living at the dorm my internet was all fuxored. hence, no emails, no journals, then I finally moved into my new place, and guess what? no wireless internet, then i went home for the weekend and got my cat-5 cable, and guess what? its too short to reach my computer. plus i dont even know if my internet will work even if I DO get a long enough cable, because "the network" has been "refusing to designate an IP" for my computer. so like, its all kinds of fucked.
in OTHER news, i'm now working in the carame room at the CCA north campus, which is its own restaurant. its pretty bad ass. last night i got to create my own salad for service, 3 different fruit soups, and a cheese plate. its a pretty good deal i would say. hmm... let me think. i believe thats all the news that i have for now. you people should come to SF and visit me.
oh yeah. i live on Bush Street. heh heh.... i said bush....
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|
| god i love this song |
[06 Jul 2006|04:41pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fuck you gently - tenacious d |
] |
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard
i love JB
"Climb upon my faithful steed
Then we gonna ride
gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed
And ride, ride, ride."
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| dirty needles & sweets |
[05 Jul 2006|05:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
guess |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
perfecting loneliness - jets to brazil |
] |
no updates
no update
currently working on a few poems, or as i like to call them, groups of words that mean nothing to anyone but me
rock!
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| july |
[23 Jun 2006|11:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
It's yet to be determined
but the air is thick
and my hope is feeling worn
i'm missing home
and i'm glad you're not a part of this
there's parts of me that will be missed
and the phone is always dead to me
so I can't tell you
the tempurature is dropping
and it feels like
it's colder than it oughta be in march
and i've still got a day or two ahead of me
till i'll be heading home
into your arms, again
and the people here are asking after you
it doesn't make it easier
it doesn't make it easier to be away
I'd like to hire a plane
and see you in the morning
when the day is fresh,
i'm coming home again
coming home again
coming home again
when the day is fresh,
i'm coming home again
well, it's warmer where you're waiting
it feels more like july
there's pillows in their cases
and one of those is mine
and you wrote the words, "I love you"
and sprayed it with perfume
it's better than the fire is
to heat this lonely room
it's warmer where you're waiting
it feels more like july
it feels more like july
and it's yet to be determined
but the air is thick
and my hope is feeling worn
I'm missing home
and i'm glad you're not a part of this
there's parts of me that will be missed
and the phone is always dead to me
so I can't tell you the tempurature is dropping
and it feels like
it's colder than it oughta be in march
and i've still got a day or two ahead of me
till i'll be heading home
into your arms, again
and the people here are asking after you
it doesn't make it easier
it doesn't make it easier to be away
I'd like to hire a plane
and see you in the morning
when the day is fresh,
i'm coming home again
i'm coming home again
i'm coming home again
when the day is fresh,
i'm coming home again
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|
[14 May 2006|03:11pm] |
|
I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezeburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy
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| coming undone |
[14 May 2006|12:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
korn - coming undone |
] |
Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me
That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Be straight
Be deliberate
Wait
I'm coming undone
Unlaced
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
Choke choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet chugga gun
Does not protect me
That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now
Wait
I'm coming undone
Unlaced
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better!!
Wait
I'm coming undone
Unlaced
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
|
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| need to |
[08 May 2006|01:28am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
korn - need to |
] |
I, I am confused, fighting myself
Wanting to give in, needing your help
Skin cold with fear, feel it when we touch
Outside I don't know you, but inside I'm fine (fucked)
Can you see it in me?
Skin cold from touch
Each day confronted with what I have done
You pull me closer, I push you away
You tell me it's okay, I can't help but fell the pain
I hate you!
Why are you taken?
I love you!
I feel so helpless
Why is it you?
Ripping my insides each time I'm with you
Why do I try?
Why do I really need to?
Why!! Why!! Why!! Why!!
Fuck you, bitch!
Need to [x3]. . . fuck [x4]. . .
Slut
I hate you!
Why are you taken?
I love you!
I feel so helpless
Why is it you?
Ripping my insides each time I'm with you
Why do I try?
Why do I fucking need to?
Fuck . . . fuck . . . fuck . . . fuck . . . fuck . . . fuck . . . fuck . . .
Slut
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